// take a trip back in time

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// what did you watch?

// Each week, on a Sunday, I hand the reigns of movie criticism over to you. Tell me what you saw at the Cinema or on DVD/Blu-Ray that either made your pants moist or your temperature sky-rocket due to its brilliance or whackness. If you’ve seen a movie, I want to know about it.

Your review doesn’t need to be sprawling epic like many of my reviews. it can simply be the name of the movie and a rating out of 5. It really is that easy. For example, White Chicks – the greatest movie ever made, 5/5.

For the best user submitted reviews each month, I will touch them in their trouser area or let them touch my glorious hair – enter your review and your life will change.

The bar has been set. I look forward to your responses.

Thanks for writing.



// my review – x-men: first class

// There was never any doubt. X-Men: First Class delivers.

After two disastrous train smashes, I’m looking at you Last Stand(2006) and Wolverine(2009), it fills me with unprecedented amounts of joy to report that Matthew Vaughan’s re-boot is as sexy and suave as we’d hoped. In fact it’s so good, I may even go and see it again.

It’s not always the case, but putting a well-loved franchise in the hands of an exceptional director can usually mean good things. Look at the Batman franchise for example. In this instance Fox have played a blinder. Hot off the press from his critically acclaimed Kick Ass, Vaughan with his writing partner in crime Jane Goldman (Mrs.Jonathan Ross), were put to task in rebooting a franchise that, as I mentioned, needed a serious kick in the face. With the harness of creative restriction thrown in the bin they have rekindled the love we all had for these crazy mutants when they first arrived in X1 & X2.

X-Men: First Class charts, as the title suggests, the epic beginning of the X-Men saga, not a newly commissioned postage option as one friend suggested. The movie slowly reveals mutants to the world during a time of global conflict. Before mutants had revealed themselves to the world, and before Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr took the names Professor X and Magneto, they were two young men discovering their powers for the first time. Not archenemies, they were instead at first the closest of friends, working together with other Mutants to stop Armageddon. In the process, a grave rift between them opened, which began the eternal war between Magneto’s Brotherhood and Professor X’s X-Men.

But what of the film? The direction by Matthew Vaughan is fantastic. He manages to squeeze every ounce of what we love about X-Men mythology, out of the 2 hour run time. He captures the swinging sixties perfectly and the global political tensions that were brought about by the Cuban missile crisis. The action of the film is well paced and at times relentless. Just when you think you can put away your adamantium claws, Vaughan insists that the danger is not yet over and throws yet another problem for our mutant heroes to contend with. The final scene being a perfect example of this. It also illustrates magnificently that despite their similarities, Charles and Erik would always be on opposing sides of the fence. Erik believes that they are ‘already the better men’ where as Charles sees it as his place to educate. As with all things in the world the human understanding of the mutants stems from fear. Sadly by the end of the movie you realise that each man will go on a separate journey in order to educate the masses.

However supporting Vaughan’s direction is the excellent script and acting talent. Jane Goldman I can only salute you again for such a great job on this. There are slapstick moments such as Banshee learning to use his mutant power to fly, sensitive moments between kindred spirits Beast (Nicholas Hoult) and Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) and some fantastic dramatic irony as the film plays on our inherent knowledge of the films characters and who they develop in to, “who knows, maybe I’ll start going bald next.” The movie isn’t too talky, neither is it too full of endless CGI sequences, it has a distinctive balance.

The cast all put in awesome performances. I highly rate Michael Fassbender as one of the most watchable actors currently plying their trade. He has a certain stage presence that can’t be matched by anyone else and in X-Men his character goes beyond anything Sir Ian McKellan ever delivered in the first two films. We really get inside Erik’s mind and see the brutality he was subjected to from a young age and hence the reason he has such a warped idea of the world. In addition, Kevin Bacon, welcome back. KB puts in one of his more memorable performances in recent years as the main antagonist (Sebastian Shaw) and his pronunciation of German and russian vocabularies is exemplary. His super power is so unique it’s difficult to tell how they will take him out. Emma Frost (January Jones) is hot damn, but also super bad ass. But over all for me.. Magneto steels all the show boat pieces and presents himself as the stand out mutant. There are some wonderful recruitment montages including a cameo by soldier ID: 458-25-243 – I won’t spoil the surprise.

If I were to have any criticism of the movie it would be that Vaughan has packed so many characters into the movie it feels a little over compensated for. You never really get your teeth into the wealth of characters. Magneto, Professor X, Beast, Mystique are all given lots of attention, but Jason Flemyng’s teleporting Azazel and Álex González’s wind creating Riptide are only seen breaking necks and cashing cheques. The later having a dangerously rubbish mutant power! I would also question why it was mandatory for everyone to wear grey jogging suits at Chateau Xavier?

However, these really are minor points and even if you disregard everything I have said previously all you need to know that X-Men First Class is worth every nugget. It’s what superhero movies should be like. Now if we can all just pray that The Green Lantern and Captain America won’t suck, we’ll have had a pretty solid super hero year.

4/5 Stars

thanks for reading.

View the trailer by clicking HERE

Check out the Five Gum promo

X-Men arrives in Australia today!


// The Hobbit – Official Titles & Elvish News

// Peter Jackson reveals all.

I’m a little late on this one, but it’s important to put up the important stuff regardless of speed. The titles for Peter Jackson’s up coming films are as follows: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which will arrive in cinemas around December, 2012 followed by The Hobbit: There and Back Again around December, 2013. Bam!

Possessing one of the largest casts ever assembled The Hobbit stars this very lengthy list of actors and actresses; Martin Freeman, Orlando Bloom, Andy Serkis, Elijah Wood, Hugo Weaving, Ian McKellen, Cate Blanchett, Richard Armitage, Jed Brophy, Adam Brown, John Callen, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, Mark Hadlow, Peter Hambleton, Stephen Hunter, William Kircher, Sylvester McCoy, Bret McKenzie, Graham McTavish, Mike Mizrahi, James Nesbitt, Dean O’Gorman, Lee Pace, Mikael Persbrandt, Conan Stevens, Ken Stott, Jeffrey Thomas and Aidan Turner

That’s right. You did read that correctly. Orlando Bloom is back. Jackson confirmed via his Facebook page that Bloom would be making a return visit with him to Middle Earth. He said, “Ten years ago, Orlando Bloom created an iconic character with his portrayal of Legolas. I’m excited to announce today that we’ll be revisiting Middle Earth with him once more. I’m thrilled to be working with Orlando again. Funny thing is, I look older—and he doesn’t! I guess that’s why he makes such a wonderful elf.”

If Jackson thought he had his work cut out last time, that’s nothing compared to how much hope rests on his shoulders this time around. The hype is going to be incredible and criticism will be delivered like a punch to the crotch if Jackson fails to deliver the goods. Good luck PJ!

thanks for reading.


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